CHAPTER THIRTY FIVE

Eulogy for Steve

I am most grateful that K--- asked me to take part in this service, and I feel a great responsibility to all of you to say a few words that will console.

Some of you may wonder why I have the honor to be asked to speak this morning, when I knew S---- for such a short time. I will explain by telling you two very short stories.

Roughly a week ago, S---- and K--- were visiting my home. S---- and I were talking about stereo amplifiers and such, and I told him how I had broken one of my speakers by playing a particular piece of music. With enthusiasm, I demonstrated the very music that had broken the speaker - and proceeded to break the other speaker! S---- likes enthusiasm. He is an enthusiastic person.

While we were together, S---- and I had a heart to heart talk about something that bothered me. We spoke as friends. He understood EXACTLY what I was saying, and I could feel his spirit was touched by our conversation. We understood each other.

The second story moves on to Thursday evening. I was the emcee for a [local show]. It was my responsibility to keep things running smoothly while eight different [acts] came and went. It was an upbeat night with lots of songs, and much fun. About the middle of the evening, I was overcome with a deep fit of depression. I could not shake it. I did not know why I was so absolutely down. I tried to excuse my feelings with thoughts of a poor performance, or [because of] some offending remarks other people had made about the way things were going - but those are part of the job - a person doesn't accept a [performance] like that without expecting a few sour notes. I have received sour notes before. None of them had the totally devastating effect on me that I felt that Thursday evening.

Later events have come to explain how we lost S---- that very night...

S---- and I were close.

When S----'s mother heard about the accident, she was overcome with grief. A [prayer] was [offered]. That [prayer] started with a promise that S---- was happy. In fact, it seemed almost irreverent to picture him at that very moment with such happiness. After reflection, however, we know that it was not irreverent for S---- to be happy - he had been reunited with the God of this world, with his grandmother, with D----, and many others who were waiting to greet him.

The second part of the [prayer] gave firm assurance that S---- was anxious to...progress and gain access to Heavenly Father's kingdom. S---- is excited, and anxious to do...what is necessary to qualify for the celestial kingdom where Heaven Father dwells.

S---- loves a challenge. He loves to put his heart and soul into his work. He competes quietly. In the pineapple fields of Hawaii, he competed with himself to better his previous day's record. At [his work], he competed with the standing records to assemble more [product] than anyone else in a given period of time. S---- now sees his eternal progression as another challenge - one he is most anxious to complete.

A friend of mine was privileged to have a testimony of what it is like in paradise. My friend described the trip much like you have heard many other people describe it - a long shaft of comforting light. A person floats unconcerned through the shaft of pure light, which brightness defies description. On the other side are loved ones and warm greetings. However, my friend was surprised to find the relatives and friends, while very warm and loving in their greetings, were, nevertheless, very busy. One person was very actively doing genealogy work. An officer was teaching...his soldiers. All was activity. Joy, yes, but activity too. That is where S---- is now; busy in paradise.

Several years ago, I was involved in a movie about mountain men. To prepare for our parts, we took a hike into the desert. We were scheduled to be put through a portion of what the [actual] mountain men went through, so we could better play our roles. I remember so clearly the bedraggled, rugged bunch of men that came out of that desert! It had been tough. However, after a shower and a swim in the motel pool, half of those men loaded themselves into a van and headed to Las Vegas to celebrate! After a few glasses of water and a decent meal, there was not one man who had any [lasting] ill effects of the [ordeal] in the desert.

Perhaps you have had a similar experience? Pain is but a moment when compared to the emmense nature of the universe.

There is a time for us to now suffer in the desert as we mourn the loss of S----'s physical presence. Be not ashamed of your grief. Be not concerned about when it will leave. The loss we feel will never leave. It is supposed to be that way. Our love would not be sincere if we could escape from our pain in a few weeks, a few months, or even a few years. S---- was a part of us, and his loss hurts very deeply. In times like this, we remember the words in the third chapter of Ecclesiastes:

To every thing there is a season,
and a time to every purpose under the heaven;
A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pick up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to loose;
A time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate;
A time of war, and a time of peace;
I know that whatsoever God doeth, it shall be forever.

I hope you were all able to hear the comforting words [at church] this weekend. It seemed there were so many messages in [Sunday's meeting] designed for those who have cause to mourn S----'s physical passing.

We remember G. B. H-------'s remark that death is like a graduation; it is just another step in our progression. DEATH IS NOT AN END.

We remember T.S. M----- [telling us how] "the spirits of all men, as soon as they are departed from this mortal body - are taken home to that God who gave them life."

We remember R.G. S---- who told us there was a time to cast down pebbles from in front of our eyes so we can see those who need our help during trying times.

We must now live for the living. We must be sure that Sh---'s needs are met; that K--- is comfortable; that R---- and A---- will be safe in their travels and their baby will be strong and well. We must pray for the loved ones (S---- left behind) and do all we can to help them.

We all believe in a just God; a fair God. Some would suggest that when a loved one dies, "God has taken that person home." I do not believe in any such god. Our Heavenly Father rules in complete and uncoditional love. While He has manifested His powers in diverse manners and awesome ways like parting the Red Sea, or causing the earth to stand still, or causing plagues to devastate the land of the Pharoah, our benevolent Father in Heaven does not randomly select who will live and who will die. It would be a gross misunderstanding of His creative powers to think of Him as a huge hand snatching up our loved ones.

No...the God-given gift (of free agency) allows us to choose for ourselves the many crossroads we will meet, and the many choices we will make.

We have been placed on this earth primarily to receive a body. There was no way we could progress through eternity without a body. After millions of years in the preexistance, we had gone as far as we could go.

Our infinite Father in Heaven gave S---- the wonderful gift of life so he could continue his eternal progress. S---- has accepted the challenge to move forward and seek new goals. He is on the path back to living [again] with his Heavenly Father. I KNOW THAT with firm conviction. Now that he is in paradise, I am also confident that S---- has been assigned a mission to perform, and that he is anxiously engaged in a good work.

I know S---- has seen God. He is not yet allowed to remain in Heavenly Father's presence, and S---- wants that very, very, much. He will achieve that goal...

Vincent O'Neil
Spring, 1988

There is too much I need to know.
I must talk with my mother.
I must see her - just once.
She wouldn't have to talk to me, although that would be wonderful - just appear, for just a minute.

T--- has told so many lies about you. You never did tell me what REALLY happened though. Can't you come back, for just a minute and let me know the truth?
Come back for just a second and let me know you care.
Come back for just a second and let me know there is life beyond the grave.
I miss you so much. There is so much left unfinished.
Can't you please visit?

No, I guess not.
Well, if there was ever a time when a human needed and deserved a visit from beyond, this is it. If not me, who? If not now, when?
If God doesn't allow her to visit me now, under these horrible circumsatnces....maybe there is no after life? Maybe there is no God? (Make that a small 'g' as in god.)

I've never had a paranormal experience. I've never talked DIRECTLY to anyone who has. Uri Geller was a fake. The Amazing Randi offered cash to anyone who could produce a paranormal activity he couldn't duplicate. He has never had to pay anyone because he has always been able to show the trick behind their "encounters."

We don't use all our brains. All these "visions" and "ghosts" and crap....were probably just figments of people's over-active brains. Wish fulfillment. Oh, they believed the experiences to be true - the brain can create many unexplained things.

It's all bunk.

If there are no ghosts, then there is no god. No god, no hereafter. That only leaves one question: how did we get here? Even if we evolved from slime, how did the slime get here? I guess we'll never know.

Vincent O'Neil
December, 1992