Chad Holbrook asked me the other day, what would be my answer if I stood before God, and He asked, “What have you learned from your earthly experiences that can/could be beneficial to you throughout eternity?”
I would be way to embarrassed/humiliated to talk to God personally, so I would ask his representative to please be patient whilst I gathered my thoughts.
As the question was voiced, my first reaction was to respond, “Faith - I don’t have any. I need faith to carry me through the travails of the earthly world, and for me to advance into anything worthwhile in the world to come. I am not ready to go into the next world without that faith. I am not even ready to carry on in the world in which I exist without that faith. Please, give me some more time to gather up that faith, because I believe it is the single most important lesson available on earth.”
Way back when, I had more faith than I do today. If I had been standing on one of those high utility ladders that have two sets of rungs on them, I would have been several rungs up from the bottom. That isn’t to say I was HIGH up the ladder - there were far more people above me than below me - but at least I was climbing.
Today, I am trying desperately to sink my fingernails into the rubber feet at the bottom of the ladder, just to hang on. Indeed, some days, I feel like only a thread or two is holding me to the ladder at all. Not a rope, just a thread. Many days, I feel like letting go altogether.
Joe Nickel and James Randi come to mind. These two gentlemen are famous for being skeptical. In the past, I have pictured them as being radical in their skepticism - they have closed out all possibilities in order to protect their conviction. They have drawn up a very thick wall of negative energy around themselves, so that NO glimmer of the “unexplained” can enter. By closing this circle so tightly against ghosts, UFOs, crop circles, ESP. . . . . they have also closed out ALL semblance of belief in such things as miracles, angels, inspiration, and. . . .God. The skeptic cannot allow ONE thing into the circle, for fear a flood of things will follow. If ghosts, then angels. If angels, then God.
One part of this un-faith, is the unavoidable circumstance of secondary witnesses. When we hear stories of such things as miracles or healing, it is always SOMEONE ELSE’S experience. Sometimes, a friend-of-a-friend, or a relative-of- a-relative tells us with eyes burning with sincerity that such-and-such really happened. “Honest it did!” However, until it actually happens TO the skeptic - it still remains impossible.
After a few rough experiences in my life, I have lately found myself being drawn toward this negative circle of unbelief - this territory where faith does not exist. The door only swings inwardly, so once inside, there is no escape. Perhaps the finality of it all is what keeps me hanging on to the few strings of faith I still possess.
One of the things that started to harden my heart was the death of my mother. She had made the effort to move across the country to be with me, and it really seemed like she was trying hard to tell me her story. She desperately wanted a typewriter - we couldn't find the one she wanted. A friend of hers told me my mother had explained "everything" to her, and she had notes she would send me when she got back home. Those notes were never mailed. When my mother died, there was so much left unsaid. I thought of all the people who have been visited by a spirit, surely I "deserved" to receive some message from my mother? I concentrated on seeing her. I concentrated on just feeling her presence. Nothing. I had heard lots of stories about other people being visited, why not me? My faith took a direct hit.
The second blow came during my return "home" to England. I was alone at Borley Church - ready, willing, and able to hear, see or feel something - anything. Nothing. I visited Lionel's grave - I talked to him. Nothing.
It seemed so cruel - people have seen ghosts and heard from dead relatives without the critical need I had - why was I being punished? Hit number two. My heart started to harden.
Over the next few years, my heart became even more hardened by life's experiences. Since I needed a ghost of some kind so badly and none came, well, I guessed there just must not be any ghosts. Look at the thousands of reports of ghostly sightings throughout the ages....if half were mistakes, then why not the other half?
I've know several people who have died from cancer. They all followed the same pattern - their emotions have risen and fallen with each new voodoo treatment that comes along. Regardless, all died. As each loved one passes, my own heart stiffens up.
I have never believed aliens are visiting earth - it just doesn't seem right for a God in Heaven to allow races of different people to mix with one another. The earth has its timetable. Planet-X has its timetable. If the people ever got together and started to compare notes....it would be chaotic. That's why I am convinced we have wasted every single dollar ever spent on space exploration - those dollars should have been spent on researching the seas. But that's another story. The point is, I started clicking off the things I didn't believe in, and there seemed to be a domino effect. No ghosts. No aliens on earth. No healings - no miracles. Hey, Joe Nickels and James Randi, make room for me.
It has been suggested that what the skeptic really lacks in order to convince them isn’t so much a personal, first-hand witness as much as they need humility. At least, that is what I have been told I need. Humility first, then faith, then belief. In fact, it has been suggested I just throw away my fear of un-faith as an experiment - “Just try it! Try a little faith and see what happens!” So why not? Why not “suspend disbelief” - like we do in a movie or at the theater - and just “go with it” for a few days? What would it hurt? What do I have to lose by just TRYING to have faith?
Of course the answer is, nothing. I have nothing to lose by experimenting with faith. Unlike Joe Nickel and James Randi, I do not have a career at stake on the outcome. My whole world will not cave in upon itself if I believe - even for just a moment.....
So why not try? Suspend disbelief - put aside fear - give it a go. There is nothing to lose. There just might be everything to gain.