30 November 1999 - Just before they wheeled me into surgery, one of my lead doctors talked to me in very somber tones. There are certain risks to this procedure, he explains. He tells me the percentage of cases where a needle accidentally punctures the vein, or my heart, or my lung. This is the second time I have heard this, and earlier I was given a green paper explaining "Advance Directives," and "Patient Responsibilities." I was so nervous the first time, I couldn't read the green sheet, never-mind create a Living Will. Odd, because I had always told my children I did not want to be a vegetable, and that I didn't even want open heart surgery. Now, I couldn't think of any of that. Even though the doctor was somber, I feared his remarks less than the green paper. Remarkably - after all my panic - I found I was calm, and ready to go ahead.
1130 - Whatever drug they gave me was supposed to make me sleepy, but not put me out. As a joke, I started counting down from one million. I messed up the second number down, felt embarrassed, and gave up. That was all I remember. If I was awake, my mind must have not wanted to handle the trauma and pushed the memory way back into my mind. I had been promised by a psychic friend that my mother would be there, that the spirit light of the psychic would be there, and the prayers of many others would be with me. I had felt an extreme anxiety leading up to the operation, and even had a panic attack when a small monitor was hooked up early on. Before any drugs were administered, I saw or felt none of these spiritual guides, but DID approach the operating room with calmness and peace. I believe I was watched over, and I am very grateful for those unseen and concerned entities.
My heart has both bradycardia and tachycardia. It has been known to beat so slowly as to stop, and to also beat wildly up to 168 beats per minute. I had a team of doctors, lead by two very beautiful women - Patricia Buersmeyer and Cheryl Bazzle. For the most part, the male doctors didn't have first names - Freedman, Lombardi, McClain, and perhaps Coletti. Together, they inserted a dual chamber pacemaker. It has two leads - one to the right atrium (on top), and one to the right ventricle (bottom).
I have Model 5330L made by Paceseter, Inc. a St. Jude Medical Company headquartered in Sylmar, California. It has two twisty ends on the leads. Each lead is screwed into the meat of the heart, and if I should ever need one withdrawn, only one doctor on my team is skilled enough to perform that touchy procedure - Lombardi.
1330 - There was no post-operative grogginess, I just happened to notice things more clearly as I was being wheeled into X-Ray. I was able to stand on my own, and when the two views were developed, looked at my own heart and my own pacemaker.
The length of the wires floating around inside me is far greater than shown in the pamphlets I was given. The entire mechanical package looks very large. I suppose the extra long wires are to give me some slack. The wires are thick, but I was assured they will not break loose from the subclavian vein, nor will they restrict blood flow. How that will be possible, I can't tell, so I must have faith the doctors and the technicians know what they are talking about. I've had airplane flight explained to me as well, and I still don't understand how all that weight stays up. I'll have to accept both without knowing enough about either. Except for the insertion wound and lump on my chest, I can't feel any of the wires nor the pacemaker inside.
As I returned to my assigned room, a technician was waiting from Pacesetter. My very special RN from Telemetry was also waiting - Chris Spratt. Without Chris, I never would have been able to go through with this. He was always there to talk to me and to answer all my questions - with a smile. The two of them laid a few sensors on top of my chest, and a doughnut-shaped main sensor on top of my heart. They were delighted with the results. They fine-tuned their new motor. I could feel my heart responding to their tweaking. "Let's set the lower limit to 50, for when he goes to sleep." Then they set the high range to 145, and pronounced it was good. Smiles all around.
I was released roughly 48 hours after I walked in to the hospital. A sling kept my left arm from rising over my head, and my instructions were to continue that restriction even when I took the sling off within 24 hours. I am also not to play basketball, conduct aerobics, lean over a running car engine, or bathe the area around the wound. I can shower only after the stitches come out - in about a week. After lugging my bag of belongings through the hospital, I read where I'm not supposed to do any heavy lifting! In roughly four to six weeks, I should be back to normal. I will be able to fly to my son's wedding in a couple of weeks. I will continue with my medication - Diltiazem/Tiazac - as the pacemaker doesn't handle all situations. If I understand it correctly, my pacemaker primarily handles the syncope (way slow beats), and the medication helps with the racing heart beats(?)
2200 - I was given a couple of painkillers while in the hospital, but none for going home. I can feel the dull throb of the muscles in my chest getting used to the intruder, but am more comfortable on my back. When the sling fell loose, I could feel my shoulder twinge as I reached above me for a pencil. I can tell when the engine is doing its work, as my misfires are limited to less than 10 beats, and usually only run for five beats or less. The first night home, I swear I felt an electrical shock while sleeping.
December 6 - 1100 - So, the decision has been made to live. I have done something I vowed I would never do - take extreme measures to live. All my adult life, I have told anyone who would listen, "There are to be no operations to prolong my life." Now, I've gone against my own orders. Why?
As I reflect on the last few days, I am humbled. Very humbled. It has been a rough year for me, but now I have - literally - been given a new life. I am so very grateful to all those who prayed with me and prayed for me. I am grateful for my "spirit guides." I am very thankful for a skilled team of doctors who make the extraordinary seem so ordinary. I am thankful for family members and friends who care. God bless you all.